that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
