I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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