God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
