im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
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Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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