so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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