Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
