it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Found the puke drawer
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
