You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
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I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
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Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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