I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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