They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
