i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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