Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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