her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
