FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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