what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
