My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
