i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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