We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
