We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
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Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
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The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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