I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize