Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm bleeding and have questions
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize