Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The beers last night were like the tears from god
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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