Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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