yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
