i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
