Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
