This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
