I hate all girls vehemently.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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