Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
