For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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