I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
