Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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