I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
