Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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