I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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