he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
