Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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