I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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