Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
