dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
