her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
