You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
