I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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