You're earring is so big in my mouth
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
