i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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