I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize