Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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