i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Welp...herpes.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
