I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
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new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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