You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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