You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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