She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
