he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
