We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
