Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
