K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
