Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
