well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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