now i know why i became what i already was.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
