I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize