also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
