I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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