One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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