Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
