All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You may now shotgun with the bride
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
