Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize