Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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