she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
