your parents love me but you hate me
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
