i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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