why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Randomize
