Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
