im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
