Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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